Thursday, November 30, 2006

Maybe You Haven't Found Jesus, But Jesus Has Been Found

The existence of Jesus Christ, which has confounded religious scholars for centuries as no records of his existence have been found in any documents from his era, was settled yesterday when the Bethlehem Bureau of Vital Statistics and Intermediate Mathematics announced that they have finally found Jesus’s birth certificate. It turns out that the birth certificate of Jesus Christ was accidentally filed under H as Jesus C. Hrist.

The more startling news was it turns out that the date listed on Jesus's birth certificate is “December 24, 0 B.C.” instead of what tradition thought the date was, “December 25, 0 B.C.” News of this is already sending shock waves throughout the world, as the retail industry expects to lose billions of dollars due to the shortened Christmas shopping season. Further, the airlines industry is finding its phones line jammed due to the many passengers rebooking their flights one day earlier.

The Bethlehem public records on Jesus though remain confused as it turns out there are two separate death certificates.