Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Decoding the Truth Behind the Da Vinci Code Red

Secret messages in the paintings of Leonardo da Vinci, whom people don’t seem to realize lived many years after the times of Christ and thus doesn’t know anything about Christ firsthand, have been revealed to the Irrational Injurer. Apparently if you play da Vinci’s painting backwards, one can clearly find a secret message that “George Harrison is dead”, which, according to our confidential sources, is miraculously close to the truth.

When contacted by our reporters, the estate of George Harrison refused to take our calls. As did the estate of Leonardo da Vinci. We tried to call the Vatican, but we couldn’t find the Vatican’s first name, and every Vatican found in the phone directory proved to be of no assistance.

Religious scholars point that there are no records remaining concerning the life of Jesus Christ, whom we understand was a noted woodworker and after dinner speaker in his day, and thus there are no Earthly records to confirm his resume. We would warn all future employers against hiring this Mr. Christ until he can establish that he is not an illegal immigrant using an alias.

Whether there are any descendants of Mr. Christ will soon be decided by U.S. Supreme Court in a case brought by Anna Nicole Smith, a respected television show personality, who has claimed one half of the kingdom promised to her by Mr. Christ.