O.J. Simpson to Replace Dick Cheney as Vice President

George Bush plans to replace with Dick Cheney as Vice President with respected athlete and veteran television newscaster O.J. Simpson. Apparently the decision was made when it was realized that Cheney’s popularity of 18% had fallen below that of the approval rating O.J. Simpson of 29%. This would be a great step towards boosting the image of the White House, especially among African Americans who currently give Bush a 2% approval rating. An FBI background check into Simpson has confirmed that, unlike Cheney, Simpson has never shot anyone.

“With the popularity of the Simpsons remaining steady throughout many years”, Bush explained, “it is good to have one of the Simpsons working for me. I’m just sorry neither Homer nor Marge was available.” Simpson stated he is ready to perform the duties of Vice President, adding that “if the job doesn’t fit, then you have to quit.”