President John Kennedy's Death Was a Suicide

In an exclusive Irrational Injurer analysis of the famous Zapruder film of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, after watching the film backwards and forwards several times we have come to the startling conclusion, when viewing the film backwards, that President Kennedy committed suicide. One can clearly follow the trajectory of the shots from the car outwards towards the book depository.

It is shocking to realize that people have become so engaged in conspiracy theories that they forgot to look at the most basic elements. Being President had to be a stressful job what with the Cold War and trying to make good on your promise to land an astronaut on the moon by the end of the decade (and this was before anyone thought to just film the whole thing in a studio).

We at the Irrational Injurer wish to apologize to the estates of Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, Richard Nixon, Henny Youngman, and to John Seigenthaler for earlier suggesting they were involved in the shooting. It seems they were all only involved in the cover-up.