Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Jennifer Anniston Marries Guy with Big Bones

The reports stating that it is not true that Jennifer Aniston has gotten married are not true. Wait, isn’t that not too many double negatives? Anyway, the Irrational Inquirer has learned from associates very acquainted with Jennifer Aniston who tell us that she indeed has married, once to Brad Pitt and once to Ross Geller. In fact, someone should tell Vince Vaughn, who has been following her around like a lost puppy, that he has no chance with this woman who already has two husbands. Then again, maybe she collects husbands, you know, like we at the Irrational Inquirer collect Star Wars figurines, so maybe Vince has a chance after all. Maybe if Vince dressed up like a wookie and Jennifer put her hair up like Carrie Fisher, that might work.

Ross Geller is described as someone into dinosaur bones. We’re not certain what that means, but it definitely sounds kinky. Those Hollywood types are into all kinds of weird things.

Meanwhile, Anniston’s husband continues to get bad press over allegations that he had a fling with his co-star Angelina Jolie. This level of journalistic sensationalism only to sell papers really upsets those of us who deal only in hard facts. We at the Irrational Inquirer continue to advise Mrs. Anniston-Pitt-Geller not to worry as we know that Angelina will return to a certain staff person at the Irrational Injurer. Call when you ready, Angie. We have the wookie outfit waiting.