Sunday, December 31, 2006

Paris Hilton Aces Her SATs

Paris Hilton surprised Tinseltown when it was announced that she scored well on her SATs. Hilton, whom our ace business reporters have discovered is the heir to the Motel 6 chain, is the daughter of Patrick McGoohan, who portrayed Number 6 on the television show “The Prisoner”. Hilton has developed a persona as a “dumb blonde” which betrays the real Hilton who is really a brunette.

“The SATs were easy”, Hilton’s publicist told us in her Motel 6 room, “Paris aced them with little problem.” Paris, it should be noted, was named for a town in Texas, namely San Antonio. “During the SATs test, the examiner, apparently a gentleman named Simon, would say “sats down”, “stands up”, “Simon says sats down”, and “Simon says stands up. Almost half the time, Paris would correctly respond and sats or stands when Simon said “Simon said,” the publicist explained.

When told that good SAT scores would allow Paris to attend college, the publicist noted that most college students spend their time drinking and partying. "Paris is ready for graduate school, if you ask me", the examiner Simon added.

The SATs were made more difficult this year by adding an oral section. Simon states he has videotaped that section of the test and that the tape will soon be available in adult bookstores.