Friday, October 21, 2005

Saddam Hussein To Be the New James Bond

Saddam Hussein has been selected to be the new James Bond, according to intelligence reports we’ve intercepted from sources close to the White House, or some house in Washington, D.C. that is white or at least off-white. Maybe more of a blue. “Who better to play the man with the license to kill”, our source explained, “then a man who actually had a license to kill”

Noting that Bond movies have a huge international audience, the selection of Saddam Hussein is considered a brilliant move. Polls consistently show Saddam Hussein even more popular than George Bush throughout most of the world. While Bond movie producers expect a drop-off in American attendance, the expected world-wide increase in people seeing Saddam Hussein is expected to more than make up the loss of American appeal.

Filming may be delayed as Hussein first has some legal difficulties to clear up. “As soon as he has his legal troubles behind him, we expect to begin filming almost immediately”, a production assistant explained.

The fight over who will be Bond leading women was narrowed when it was explained the Bond women would all be veiled. “The leading woman could be Jim Belushi for all we care” explained a camera operator.

Saddam Hussein came to fame as a popular Iraqi author despite harsh critical reviews of his novels “Be Gone Demons!” and “Zabiba and the King”. Enraged by the critics, it was said Saddam would roam his Iraqi homestead and take his anger out on Kurds and Shiites. He finally settled down and has been spending the last year in solitude enhancing his acting skills.

The theme song of the next Bond movie will be sung by Michael Jackson.