Sunday, October 09, 2005

Lindsay Lohan's Car Accidents Are Publicity Stunts

Lindsay Lohan’s recent series of automobile accidents (what’s it been, two? We can’t count that high without getting dizzy) initially blamed on being chased by the paparazzi (and we’re amazed we could spell that word) turns out to have been lies: she was not being chased by floods of photographers. In fact, our sources, consisting of a group of tourists with cameras, tell us that not only were photographers not chasing her, but they could care less. In fact, our sources close to Lindsay Lohan have confided that these car accidents are nothing but a cry for help to get the paparazzi to chase her.

“Do you know how humiliating it is to shop on Robertson Avenue and not have anyone take your photograph”, a woman identifying herself as Tiffany and her occupation as a singer, told us. “You stand around waiting to be photographed, and nothing. I am sure it had to be devastating to Ms. Lohan when the exact same thing began happening to her.”

Ms. Lohan was described as desperate, even allowing straps to her dress to come undone in a vain attempt to get noticed by photographers. “I think it was when her skirt fell off, and still no one noticed, that she finally lost it”, a man who identified himself as a guitarist for a local smalltime band called Flock of Seagulls, told us. “She just flipped out after that.”

Car accidents as the new publicity stunt? It seems that way. Watch out on the road for drunk drivers, drivers using cell phones, and now, fading celebrities.